How to Have Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries help us feel safe and secure and they can have a major impact on our mental well-being. Our emotional boundaries are important because they give us the personal agency—emotional, mental, and physical stamina we need in a given situation.
When our emotional boundaries are respected, we feel valued, honored, cared for, and safe. Boundaries can be healing; boundaries can help one not feel taken advantage of. And while maintaining boundaries can be difficult, it can increase self-compassion and self-esteem by allowing people to prioritize their own voice and needs.
Boundaries also create the foundation for good healthy relationships with yourself and others. One way to tell when these are being crossed is you might feel disrespected, or taken advantage of. You might feel your voice and your opinion don’t matter as much as other voices and opinions.
Here are some warning signs to look out for:
Saying "yes" to please others at your own expense
Not speaking up because you tend to fear conflict and find it easier to give in to others
Often feeling disrespected by others, but not willing to stand up for yourself
Fear of being rejected or abandoned leaves you accepting less than you deserve
Engaging in people-pleasing behaviors in order to be liked and to receive approval
When considering what areas to have a boundary reboot, think about your personal values and what areas of your life are really important to you. Your boundaries need to be in line with these values. You are the only one who can identify these areas of your life. Good boundaries pave the road for the truest version of love to emerge within the relationships that make up so much of who we are and what we want for our lives. They also help us fulfill the two greatest commandments in the Bible: to love God and love others. They help us to grow in our capacity to love more fully and more deeply.
“A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35
Lastly, consider having healthy boundaries with yourself first and foremost. Identify what areas of your life are not going the way you would like for them to go and be honest about what you can do to change that. Then set the plan and the boundary with yourself to honor what you agreed to do to move in a better direction. The more you do this, the more confident and good you will feel about yourself. This tends to be a reinforcing cycle that can promote a greater sense of well-being.
